A few years ago, I had to move to
another country with my wife due to the decreasing number of opportunities I
and my wife had in Chile regarding work and education. The decision was
hard, and we prepared for a year before leaving our families, friends, and work
positions. The false sense of safety and security we had in our country was the
hardest part to let go of, as we did not know anyone on this small island in the
middle of the Oceania region. The only thing we knew about New Zealand then was
that they liked rugby and that the locals were called “kiwis”.
Our surprise was big when we got
there, people were friendly, and we found job positions within the first few
days, which is a rare occurrence in our home country. That is when I met my
boss, whom I will call Bryce for the purposes of this blog. Bryce was a
successful guy, very cheerful, have had a good career throughout his life, he
was always willing to help even with non-work-related matters. He was a good
boss, and a good friend, one of those persons you would like to keep close to
you. “He would be such a great member of the church,” I thought often to myself.
One Friday afternoon I asked him if
he had any plans for the weekend and he mentioned going to see his girlfriend
who lived a few hours away, I asked him if he had any kids, to what he
respectfully and with confidence answered: “Na, and I’m not planning to, mate.”
During my 26 years of life, I had never heard such an answer first person, I did
not realize what my face looked like until he started laughing at my reaction.
It was so rare to me to hear such
an answer, but he got my curiosity, I had to leave but I told him I would like
to hear more about it on Monday. During that weekend I tried to put the pieces
together without success. Why would a successful 40-year-old man, not want to get
married and have kids? I did not understand why, and it didn’t make any sense
to me.
When Monday came, I was excited to
talk with him, and as the conversation started, he told me the reasons he took
that decision. He had highly competitive corporate jobs that required most of
his time, he took care economically of his nephew, because his brother passed
away when the child was 2 years old, and whenever he was not working, with the
little time left he had, he was occupied in a project race car he had. He
seemed happy and enjoying his life.
Where his reasons selfish? Was he a bad human being? Would having
a family make him happier? If we ask this to different person’s we might get
different answers. I myself was blessed to finally be able to understand
people that did not have the same point of view of life as I do, and it has
helped me be more empathetic and connect more with people whose beliefs are
different than mine too. I saw him as a loved son of God, and I am sure God is
happy to see the good things he is doing to bless the people around him.
A study performed by the Journal of Marriage and Family, shows that while some woman may be devastated because they can’t have kids, others are content and finding fulfillment through other avenues such as leisure or career pursuits," said Julia McQuillan "Rather than assume that women without children are missing something, society should benefit from valuing a variety of paths for adult women to have satisfying lives." She also commented, "Listening to a broad spectrum of American women about the degree of importance of motherhood in their lives and the meanings of not having children is reshaping how we think about opportunities for meaningful adult femininity," McQuillan said. "Just as reproductive options have increased, both for limiting fertility and overcoming fertility barriers, we are learning what is devastating for some women is a relief for other women."
Let’s not forget that we are all children of God and that
while some are not on the same path as us, that doesn’t mean they are bad or
against us. Let's allow us to get to know them, to understand the ones who have
taken decisions that are not aligned with what we are used to, and allow
yourself to love and respect them, like our savior Jesus Christ commanded us.
Sources:
McQuillan, Julia, et al. “Does the Reason Matter? Variations in Childlessness Concerns Among U.S. Women.” Journal of Marriage and Family, vol. 74, no. 5, 2012, pp. 1166–1181., www.jstor.org/stable/41678782. Accessed 2 May 2021.
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